Home > Uncategorized > Trick of the Light

Trick of the Light

We’re not invisible. We’re just not real.

Bisexuals are a trick of the light. There we are, the B of LGBT. We’re acknowledged, included, magnanimously held up by the Ls and Gs as part of the queer family. It’s hard to complain. We’re embraced with far more enthusiasm than transfolk, after all. We get a letter, which is more than can be said for a number of other sexual minorities. Unlike “genderfluid” or “asexual” or “intersex”, if you say “bisexual” in conversation everyone knows the word.

Or do they?

We’re a trick of the light. People make assumptions. They try to translate us, but there’s no word for us in their experience. “Bisexual” too often gets erased from our identities and replaced with something else.

What does bisexuality look like, through the lens of hetero- or homosexuality? What does it mean, not to be gender-exclusive in a world where gender preference defines sexual identity?

Well, for starters:

Bisexuals are gay.

We just don’t know it yet.

We don’t want to admit it to ourselves

Or to our families

Or our lovers

Or our friends.

It’s a softer coming out, coming out bi.

Gay, but with passing privilege.

Gay, but afraid.

The gay community can embrace us: we’re just like them.

We just need to be nurtured so that we can throw off the chrysalid form of the bisexual (which will always be monstrous and incomplete; no one could possibly want such a thing) and emerge into the full glory of homosexuality.

If you’re straight, don’t date a bisexual. She’ll come out for real eventually, leave you for a woman. She won’t mean to, but she’ll break your heart.

If you’re gay, don’t date a bisexual. She might not be ready to come out. She might regress. You’ll know she’s gone back in the closet (poor girl, bless her heart) when she leaves you for a man. She won’t mean to, but she’ll break your heart.

Or

Bisexuals are straight.

We just want to look cool

Edgy

Reject the norms.

Straight, and a threat to gay community.

We might as well be a goddamn terrorist cell.

We threaten the gold-star gay and lesbian ideals.

(“Ew, she’s done what with men? And I’m supposed to want to touch her?” “I don’t want anything to do with a woman who’s had a cock inside her. I’m a lesbian!”)

Really straight. Really gay. Both accusations are based on a completely insane assumption: that it’s easier to be bi than it is to be straight or gay. That biphobia doesn’t come at us from gay and straight alike. Sometimes even other bi folks will spit it at us like cobras if we dare to not be attracted to them (“I knew you were straight. Bitch. You lied to me. Led me on”). People will keep tabs. Is your attraction split 50/50 between men and women? Your dating history? More than a 60/40 split is evidence: really straight, or really gay. And passing privilege? Don’t ever talk to me about passing privilege. It’s not a privilege to have our identities erased all the time. To have every relationship called a “straight” or “gay” relationship. To be called wrong, lying, confused when we come out. It’s not a privilege to be a member of the queer community as long as we’re in same-sex relationships, and shunted to the role of ally (and outsider) the moment we so much as flirt with a different-sex person. It’s not a privilege to be treated like a bridge between the legitimate heterosexual and homosexual communities.

Or

Bisexuality is a phase.

Maybe we’re bi now

Experimenting

Curious

Whatever

But don’t worry

We’ll get a real, grown-up sexuality when we’re done finding ourselves.

Bisexuality is apparently a rich undergrad’s hostel-hop across Europe;

There will be fond memories, sure, but later we’ll smile and shake our heads at our quaint rebellion against the mainstream.

Don’t date a bisexual. She’ll leave you for someone who never knew her as bi once she’s ready to settle down.

I guess some of us never grow up. I’ve identified as bi since age fifteen, and sure ain’t expecting it to change.

I’d like to clarify something, okay? Sexuality can be fluid. Some individuals are differently attracted to others at different points in their lives. It’s possible that a person might identify as straight, then develop attractions to same-sex persons in middle age. This does not invalidate their identity. If a vegetarian adopts an unrestricted diet, that person is now an omnivore. Not a vegetarian going through a phase. Not a pure carnivore in denial. If they order a salad at lunch, you don’t get to crow about how you knew they were still a vegetarian.

For others, sexuality is pretty much set. The Kinsey zeroes and sixes are nodding at this. But guess what? Some of us are just as firmly planted at two-point-seven-five. It’s part of who we are. Every single time we’re told “it’s just a phase,” we’re being told that our experiences, our passions, our self-awareness and our self-assessment are invalid. Everyone knows our sexuality better than we do, and everyone agrees that we’re wrong. The amazing disappearing bisexual. Now you see me, now you don’t. They do it with mirrors, see?

Or

Bisexuality is all about male fetish.

Female bisexuality exists only in the form of the MFF threesome.

(Or the girl-on-girl performance for men.)

We’re the perfect girlfriend

Because being objectified is all we’ve ever wanted from our partner

(Our real partner, the male one. Not threesome girl; she’s just the prop we bring in on Sundays and every third Tuesday to fulfill the fantasy)

But we’re totally not into people of the same sex

That’d just be weird, yo.

If we were into the same-sex partner,

We’d just leave you for them

So we’re totally not into them

(We don’t get to be insecure that our different-sex partner will leave us for someone who shares our gender though. Don’t be silly.)

And

Bisexuals can’t be monogamous.

We need one of each to be happy.

We’ll never settle down.

We’ll never really love you.

You can only ever be half good enough.

If a bisexual does form a monogamous relationship, we can expect to be told it means we’re straight or gay.

If we were really bi, we’d always be looking for both.

We’re all right for one night stands but we’re not relationship material.

We’ll break your heart.

We won’t even care.

Can’t even empathize.

We don’t have a heart to be broken.

Don’t date a bisexual. We’ll leave. You won’t be enough, and we’ll leave.

I don’t want to get started on the fact that polyamory has nothing to do with being “enough” for your partner. It’s–no. Ngh. No. Moving on. There are some monogamous bi folks who want nothing to do with us poly types. If we can get people to understand bisexuals are real, the poly ones suddenly get pointed out as evidence that bisexuals can’t be monogamous. Everyone knows that all people who identify as a certain sexuality are exactly the same, after all. There’s some tension, some vitriol. Monogamous bisexuals are normal people who want to be in normal relationships. The only difference is that they don’t know, when single, whether that next normal relationship will be same-sex or not. The poly bisexuals? We’re not regular bisexuals. We’re freaks and deviants and sluts.

Bisexuals are sluts.

We’ll fuck anything that moves.

Completely indiscriminate.

And it’s all about sex. It’s only about sex.

Forget intimacy. Forget attachment.

We’re not like that.

We’re just looking to get laid.

We’re just looking for a good fuck.

Don’t drop your guard, don’t open yourself up to us because if you do we will hurt you.

Don’t date a bisexual. We’ll leave you for the next attractive creature to walk by.

This one hurts. The inability to receive intimacy because we’re perceived as unable to provide it. Becoming attached, knowing we’re just an object. It’s fear, often. The fear of rejection that comes with any relationship, coupled with the messages we’ve all seen for as long as we’ve known bisexuality was a word. And God, I empathize with fear. I know it better than anyone. Fear has been my seeing-eye dog. Fear is the voice that translates the world–all of you–from whatever strange languages you speak into my native tongue. But what you’re afraid of isn’t true. We’re not different from other people. Not smoke and mirrors, flesh and blood. We might just give you our hearts. We know it’s risky. It’s always risky, for anyone. But please don’t throw it on the ground just because you think it isn’t real.

Bisexuals are a health risk.

Make sure to whisper, we might be listening

All that sleeping around?

Bisexuals are riddled with STIs

We’re a vector.

Like a mosquito or a plague rat

We introduce disease to the innocent.

See, bi women sleep with men, and some forms of sex with men carry higher transmission risks for some STIs. So we get these gross man-diseases and give them to lesbians, obviously.

Bi men sleep with men. MSM are higher risk for HIV. So bi men are the vector for AIDS among straight women, obviously.

If you find yourself nodding along with this, thinking it’s not biphobic at all just basic health consciousness, kindly go to hell. Those of you about to say “but–” the answer is no.

Safe sex practices matter in all relationships regardless of sex and gender configurations. Risk communication and regular testing matter for all of us. Saying someone’s a public health risk on the basis of orientation alone is bigoted. Period. There are folks who insist that bisexuals present a sexual health risk when they’re serially monogamous, have had few or no sexual partners, and/or receive regular STI panels. These folks aren’t afraid of STIs. They’re afraid of cooties. They’re exhibiting a disgust reaction to our identity and trying to frame it in a socially acceptable way. This is not okay.

But we should set that aside. There’s another thing, and it’s worse. Any woman who has been penetrated by a man is a risk to lesbians everywhere? Shun and shame and definitely do not date? I’ve heard it more than once: gold-star or go home.

Lifetime prevalence of penetrative rape of lesbians is over 13% [2]. More than one in eight. Are those one in eight still unworthy? Not lesbian enough for a partner who shares her sexuality? Who ought to be ashamed, here? I think someone got it wrong.

Bisexuals are deranged.

Probably bipolar

Or something

Wild and promiscuous as we are, we’re definitely mentally ill.

We sure as hell ain’t normal

Must be crazy.

And so ungrateful, when you deign to want us despite our sluttiness, even though everyone else thinks we’re going to leave you for someone not your gender.

The suggestion is that bisexuality is a symptom of mental illness, rather than a valid sexual identity unrelated to illness. It is certainly not something that warrants treatment, let alone stigma. The jokes I’ve heard conflating bisexuality and bipolar disorder are awful, ill informed about both the sexuality and the disorder, and stigmatizing of both. I didn’t want to discuss this stereotype in depth because I’m uncomfortable with it. I feel guilty for being a person with mental illness (none of y’all’s business what) identifying as bisexual. Proves the stereotype, right? I have a similar sense of guilt for being nonmonogamous and bi. It upholds the can’t-be-monogamous stereotype.

The thing I should have remembered is that this stereotype doesn’t just hurt bisexuals. It hurts anyone with mental illness. There’s a stigma attached to mental illnesses as a class that one sees with only a select few physical diseases and conditions. Any mental illness will be seen as synonymous with “crazy” or “deranged” or some other sweeping generalization that people will use to invalidate anything we do or say.

Mental illness isn’t substantially different from physical illness. It takes different forms, affects our lives to varying degrees. For some it can be debilitating. Others find treatment regimens that allow recovery. A persons ideas, identity, and self are no more invalidated by their having a mental illness than they would be by asthma.

The point here, to reiterate, isn’t that bisexuals are exempt from mental illness nor that we’re universally mentally ill. The point is that bisexuality is not a symptom of mental illness, nor a cause thereof. And unless they’re backed with well-presented peer-reviewed evidence to the contrary, those statements need to die in a fire.

Bisexuals are damaged.

You know what?

Yes.

Yes we fucking are.

We’re damaged by the attacks, the erasure, the distrust of our partners, the beliefs that we’re all lying or insane or sex addicted.

We’re damaged by the constant dehumanization and objectification.

We’re damaged when we’re mentioned alongside the gay and lesbian population only to be ignored or subsumed.

Even in scholarly articles about sexuality.

wjbi_a_645701_o_f0001g
Articles that mentioned bisexuality and articles that examined bisexuality in their analyses (N = 348).

We’re damaged by having higher rates of rape, sexual assault, and stalking than either straight or gay folks.

74.9% of bisexual women experience sexual violence at some point, compared with 46.4% of lesbians and 43.3% of straight women. [2]

47.4% of bisexual men experience sexual violence at some point, compared with 40.2% of gay men and 20.8% of straight men. [2]

We’re damaged by being treated as unclean, impure; as traitors and turncoats

As if gay and straight were bitter enemies.

We’re damaged by being thrown back and forth between mainstream heterosexual culture and GLBT community based on current relationship status. By being unsupported in either, unwanted by both.

Bisexuals will leave.

That’s what it all boils down to, really.

We’ll leave.

Simple insecurity.

People can’t see us as what we are.

We’re bisexual.

We’re perceived as  a dizzying, unpredictable flicker.

Look now, stage left: she’s straight! No, wait, stage right: she’s gay! Wherever you look, we’re already a shimmer, already somewhere else.

If we can’t even be steady and constant in our sexuality, how can we be steady and constant to a partner?

But that’s the trick. We’re not sometimes-gay-sometimes-straight.

Those are just reflections. That’s where monosexual norms want you to look; the only options.

We’re not even on the stage.

They do it with mirrors.

But

Bisexuals are really:

Bisexual.

That’s it.

All the rest? It’s what other people say about us.

And to us.

We’re human.

Just like you.

References

1. Kaestle, C.E., Ivory, A.H., A Forgotten Sexuality: Content Analysis of Bisexuality in the Medical Literature over Two Decades Journal of Bisexuality 2012, 12(1), 35-48. Available online here.

2. NISVS 2010 Findings on Victimization by Sexual Orientation. Available online here.

Things I Didn’t Reference But Check Them Out Anyway

The San Francisco Human Rights Commission’s Bisexual Invisibility

What Lesbians Think About Bisexuals (a video, informal survey)

Bisexuality: Myths vs. Facts (another video)

Disclaimers

1. This is written from a mostly cis-female perspective, because that’s my experience. Other sexes and genders’ experience may vary. Other individuals’ experience may vary. Funny how that works.

2. I am aware that not everyone does this. There are people who are not biphobic. Yay! If you feel the need to shout “no fair! I’m not that guy! You’re the bigot for pointing out biphobia exists because I’m totally not that guy!” please do me a favor. First, realize that biphobia is pervasive and harmful even if not every single person participates in it. Second, realize that shouting “I’m not that guy” is a recognized silencing tactic, and “not that guy” guy is totally always 100% that guy. Third, go eat a shoe. It’s a better use of your time and hands than making that particular argument.

3. Please don’t tell me that no one says these horrible things. I’ve experienced all of them, and I have no doubt there are more that I haven’t had to deal with. Lovers, partners, family, friends, even a PhD in LGBT studies have stood and told me “this is what you mean when you say you’re bisexual. You are wrong about your identity. The thing you say you are and say you feel does not exist.” It fucking hurts. Telling us that people don’t do this to us doesn’t make it hurt less, it just tells us that here is yet another person we can’t talk to.

4. Gender binary language is used here. In this case it is deliberate: the assumptions above are by and large made by binary-identifying people who see people neatly divided into a gender binary. “He’s going to leave his boyfriend for a woman” is not only biphobic, it assumes trans/genderfluid/genderqueer/intersex people either don’t exist or couldn’t possibly be of sexual interest. And yes, it’s a problem, just not the subject of this particular rant.

  1. disconcerted72
    February 8, 2014 at 3:15 pm

    That was an incredible piece of writing. I absolutely love the academic approach you took in your explanation. I am in awe and will probably read this over and over.

    • February 10, 2014 at 6:37 pm

      Thank you! I’m glad it’s resonating with people.

  2. disconcerted72
    February 8, 2014 at 3:16 pm

    Reblogged this on Assentively Yours and commented:
    I find this to be an incredible look at bisexuality.

  3. February 8, 2014 at 3:26 pm

    It never, ever, fails to amaze me how people who aren’t bisexual keep insisting that we’re not what we say we are and then ascribe stereotypical behaviors to us which don’t have a grain of truth to them… but I understand why they exist and I’ve always found them hysterically funny.

    I’ve seen other bloggers write about this and one blogger said that it was unspeakably arrogant that someone would have the audacity to tell a bisexual that they’re not bisexual… like they have some way of knowing this for a fact – and here I thought that Vulcans were a figment of Gene Roddenberry’s imagination.

    One should take note that some of the things you’ve written that bash bisexuals could easily apply to straight and gay folks… but I’m sure that if you mentioned this to the naysayers, they’d fall all over themselves trying to make thiese behaviors the sole property of bisexuals… and it’s been my opinion that this is just inherently stupid and narrow-minded.

    Of course, if you’re not bisexual, you have no idea how and/or why bisexuals behave the way they do and, no, we don’t all behave in the exact same way or for the exact same reasons… but if this is believed, to me, it’s just more proof about just how utterly clueless some people can be and more so when they’re flapping their gums about something they have no real knowledge of – and how could they if they’re not bisexual?

    I enjoyed your writing – it just reminds me how ignorant people continue to be…

    • February 10, 2014 at 6:35 pm

      I should stress that it’s not everyone. I cross-posted this to my FetLife less than 24 hours ago, and the response has been overwhelming. 117 notifications and counting; comments and loves and FetMail of people’s own experiences that they’re too shy to put out there for everyone. It’s overwhelming. These are mostly strangers, but so far it’s universally support and understanding.

      It’s overwhelming, partly because I’m an introvert so there’s some “aah, too many people on my social media go ‘way!”, but mostly I’m just overwhelmed by all the support and coming together.There are enough of us to make a community. That leaves room for hope.

      • March 26, 2014 at 12:18 am

        I tried finding your post on Fetlife in order leave crumbs for friends, but was unsuccessful. Could please send a link my way? Thanks.

      • March 26, 2014 at 9:20 am

        Can do, I will shoot you an e-mail with the link to the account you used to comment here if that’s all right.

  4. February 10, 2014 at 4:22 pm

    I’ve been lucky to escape a lot of this–but enough of it has filtered through that I do it to myself. I catch myself wondering if I’m not gay enough for my girlfriend because I get off to male celebrities sometimes. (She? Doesn’t care. She knows I love her and want her. But she’s a lot more secure than many people.)

    I’ve met so many people who go, “But sometimes I like girls more, and sometimes I like guys more, and it changes, and I’m not 50/50! Am I appropriating the bisexual experience by calling myself bi?” and I’ve gotten to the point where I go, “Oh, sweetie. No. Honey. That IS part of the bisexual experience.” Because heaven forbid that we ever be unsure of exactly what to call ourselves, or deviate from the textbook! It gets under one’s skin, this worry that we’re not doing it right.

    On the other hand–I have several friends who are also bi or pan, with whom I can go from discussing hot women to discussing hot men in the blink of an eye, and they don’t give me any shit for it. People with whom I can share things about my relationships and the gender of the person I’m involved with is important only so far as it affects that specific relationship. It’s lovely. It’s the world I want to live in.

    • February 10, 2014 at 6:31 pm

      God, I didn’t even mention the internalized aspect of it. For years every damn time I came out (or reminded someone I’d come out to before) as bi, I had a bit of a panic reaction: what if it’s the wrong word? What if I’m misrepresenting myself? What if this is wrong?

      The people who do get it, or who are also bi/pan are lifesavers, absolutely. The ones who don’t do a double take when I mention an ex-girlfriend in a conversation about our exes. I know the double-take is involuntary, but seeing that moment over and over, the “oh right, you’re bi, I relabeled you in my head ten seconds after you came out” moment, always kinda sucks.

      Bless the good ones though. Double for the ones who put up with me; I’m a damn nuisance. :)

  5. February 10, 2014 at 7:03 pm

    Reblogged this on yetanotherlefty and commented:
    This complements my last post on bisexuality and biphobia pretty well. Whilst mine was a lot about internalised biphobia, this one looks more at what non-bi people say to and about bi people.

  6. February 11, 2014 at 8:27 pm

    Sadly I have been told after some of my relationships have ended that they wondered if it was because I wanted to be with the opposite gender. It’s never an issue for me. I think this is a misconception, people cannot wrap their mind around a sexuality that has a duality to it that does not need to actively be expressed. Also no matter how long I am with what ever gender I am with, it will not change my bisexuality. It should not matter but our culture is very label driven and we like things that we can easily define. Bisexuality is not something that is black or white it can be very fluid as you said and I think that makes people uncomfortable. Very enjoyable piece.

  7. March 17, 2014 at 11:02 am

    I identified as a lesbian for many years because of internalized biphobia (and since my primary attraction is to women). I identify as queer or bi now. I really love this post and think you articulated the issues very well.

    Side note: I wish there were better representation for bisexuals in the media. With Quiver & Arch (@quiverandarch or quiverandarch.com if you are curious) I am really hoping we can option a story to adapt to audio drama that has a strong bisexual narrative within the next couple of months.

  8. March 17, 2014 at 2:27 pm

    As a bisexual woman, who has *always* identified as bi, not straight or gay, this post was a well-written relief to read. Literally, there is nothing more to add or say – it’s just a perfect job well-done.

  9. March 21, 2014 at 11:05 pm

    To provide an idea of my own point of view. I label myself as straight; I am only attracted to the opposite sex (women). I shared a place with a gay male friend of mine (who as it turned out liked me). I never had any problem except after a night out when he got frisky and had to be reminded of my preferences. I like to think I am open-minded about everything. I would not take offense at being described as bi-curious but though my interpretation of that would be different from what was likely intended in that I am intellectually curious to learn more about people who identify differently than I do.

    People use labels as a way categorizing their understanding of their surroundings / world. So, the label itself does not seem something that one should take offense at. When people label others they are voicing their understanding of you/your life/lifestyle. That does not mean they are remotely correct. As you expressed ones own feelings /positions are not always clear or easy to convey so, I would expect one who has not had the experience(s) to find it difficult to enunciate when they do comprehend.

    People like patterns. They like to draw neat boxes around objects, categorize, describe and define them. It is what we do naturally. It requires extra effort to recognized this and adjust ones thinking to put aside the boxes and see the continuum of shades of gray. As a parent I can share that it really takes extra effort to teach others to put forth that extra effort.

    Ones desires and preferences should be respected (when they stay within our laws) but, even then, when collective understanding changes…. laws can be changed also. Very little in the world/life is *black or white*. One of our firmest laws: Is it permissible to kill? … No. But, even regarding this our law is not absolute. Because, while illegal most of the time, allowances are made for self-defense (etc).

    You make excellent points. People are not black and white, whether the topic is skin color, sexual preference or even gender. Some of these groups may have a larger population than others but, those in the middle of the spectrum and still human beings. We are all individual people trying to understand and make our life the best it can be. All of use have feelings and insecurities. They still love and need to be loved. Regardless of preference, when somebody is ‘in love’ it is with that one person. If that love is lost it will hurt but, will happen again and might be the same gender or it might not. Just as nobody can predict who one will fall in love with. Bisexuals just have an added ambiguity in not knowing which gender it will be.

    It seems I had more to say than my original comment on this story which was: I am sure many don’t mean to offend and many do so from ignorance of the topic and issues. Though I don’t see myself among those you describe, on behalf of them and the rest or our race, “I am sorry that this has hurt you so.” I hope you heal well.

    • March 23, 2014 at 2:13 pm

      “People use labels as a way categorizing their understanding of their surroundings / world. So, the label itself does not seem something that one should take offense at.”

      Shouldn’t take offense? How is it not offensive to pathologize identity? How is it not offensive to say that being attracted to multiple genders is evidence of dishonesty, fickleness, incapability of love? How is it not offensive (and patronizing and insulting and in every possible sense galling) to say that I don’t know my own sexuality, that I need some helpful gay or straight person to set me on the path of a valid identity?

      Fuck. That. If I didn’t take offense at this shit I’d have to accept it. How long do you want me to sit here quietly and pretend not to be bothered when people explain that I am not who I say I am? It’s been twelve years since I first came out and I still hear “it’s a phase,” “you’re straight,” “you’re gay.” And yeah, damn right it’s offensive. It’s offensive that the only people whose categories are considered valid are those who already fit the accepted norms. Telling me to be nice because the poor privileged dears don’t know any better ain’t gonna work; it’s gonna piss me the hell off. I’m telling them better. We all are. Try listening instead of defending the ones who don’t need a defense. You don’t see yourselves among them? How the hell not? You’re helping them and tearing me down, telling me to calm the hell down about legitimate offenses just because they don’t happen to offend you.

      By the way, maybe try not making analogies between murder and healthy sexual identity? That’s just fucked up.

  10. March 26, 2014 at 12:00 am

    Brava. And greetings from your newest fan. Reblogging at I, Kinkster now.

  11. March 26, 2014 at 12:05 am

    Reblogged this on I, Kinkster and commented:
    This is my first time reblogging, because, readers, this is one to be shared. Not since Bi Any Other Name, have I read anything as academic that manages to be so accessible, human, and true. We need this. We also need much more.

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