Home > Uncategorized > Please let me just say “no.”

Please let me just say “no.”

I’m sorry.

I’d have said it earlier if I’d known you were flirting.

I’m really dense about these things.

I think we’re better as friends.

Yes, I do like spending time with you.

No, it’s not because you’re fat or short or whatever it is you’re insecure about.

Yes, I think you’re pretty.

Why does it matter why?

I think we’re better as friends.

Maybe I’m happy with the way we are.

Maybe I don’t want to have sex with every friend I find attractive.

Maybe I’m scared of getting closer to you.

Maybe I don’t want to be closer to you.

Maybe I don’t have time.

Maybe I’m picky.

Maybe a more intimate relationship wouldn’t work because we’re glaringly incompatible.

Maybe not all relationships need to level up to maximum intimacy. You won’t get an XP bonus.

Maybe it doesn’t matter why.

Maybe you’re just not special.

Fuck, there’s no nice way to say that, is there.

I mean it when I say I’m glad to see you.

I smile when you text just to say hi.

I like you just fine.

But–

I could say the same about almost everyone in our social circle.

Maybe you’re just not special.

If you’re not special

(breath catching in my throat, fingertips twitching towards you almost without thinking, when my phone buzzes I hope it’s you, I call you before my own mother when something exciting happens in my life, on my mind like Willie Nelson *special*)

Don’t make me tell you.

Don’t make me hurt you.

Please let me just say “no.”

It doesn’t matter why.

I don’t want it. You can’t change my mind and I don’t want you changing yourself.

I like you as you are.

I like us as we are.

Please let me just say “no.”

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  1. January 21, 2014 at 7:54 pm

    But why?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *cries* And I am SO special!!! pffftt *laughs*

    It shouldn’t have to be a thing; however, when you are rejected I think sometimes it is human nature to wonder why you aren’t good for that person.

    Respectfully,
    Mysticlez

    • January 21, 2014 at 9:01 pm

      *laugh* my darling Mysiclez, of course you are! Alas, you choose to torment me by living in a frozen wasteland (read: somewhere ice can ever be found outside its natural habitats of a freezer or a glass of sweet tea).

      The point is that it has nothing to do with good enough. Someone can be perfectly lovely, but if there’s just no spark, why try to force it?

    • January 21, 2014 at 9:43 pm

      Right, found the words: It’s that I feel like I’m not allowed to reject them without telling them they’ve racked up a certain number of deficiency points. Like, “sorry, your application to not date this person can’t be processed until you call them fat, ugly, or stupid, which is it going to be?” Meanwhile I’m standing here going “wait, I’m already not dating them, why is this a process? Also no, I’m not going to be randomly cruel, who the hell wants that?”

  2. January 21, 2014 at 8:28 pm

    Having been told no so often, it never occurred to me that a time would come when I would be saying to someone else… Until it did. This post read a lot like I felt at the time, except that I also allowed myself to feel a bit guilty for saying no.

    Thank you for sharing that. I enjoyed it!

    • January 21, 2014 at 9:11 pm

      Oh, always guilty. Every damn time. I can’t help wonder, did I lead her on? Am I being unfair? Does this hurt him? What if there is something there and I refuse to see it? And on it goes. It’s never easy to do.

  3. February 4, 2014 at 9:36 pm

    This is so sad. So the only people you can have sex with are special people. Sad.

    • February 4, 2014 at 10:17 pm

      Is it? Sad for whom? I don’t find it sad at all that my relationships are enthusiastic and exciting. It would be much sadder to get involved with someone I have little to no chemistry with just to fill a partner quota, wouldn’t it?

      This particular writing is about relationships–I was approached by a young woman who wanted to start dating and a gentleman interested in exploring a FWB arrangement shortly after my most recent breakup. This is…a separate issue, people swooping in, hoping to be first in the aftermath. But the principle applies to sex, too. I *can* have sex with anyone who’s interested. I will not unless I *want* to. I really can’t see what you’d find so sad about that.

  4. February 15, 2014 at 10:35 pm

    Hello! I’ve just found you through E[Lust]; the title of your post caught my eye out of the list and I had to come look. This is quite poignant.

    I find it a little sad, the tone anyway, and maybe the content too. Having been in both positions, I’m not sure who the sadness is for, perhaps it is just for the complexity of human relationships and how often and easily people can wound one another or themselves without meaning to.

    Either way, I’m glad to have found your space here.

    xoxo

    Fatal.

    • February 16, 2014 at 12:43 pm

      Hello to you! I’m not sure the sadness of the situation has anything to do with hurting each other; ideally in these situations no real damage is done. It is sad just because there’s a sense of lost potential, or of existing on different wavelengths. A classical violinist and a bluegrass singer can love each other’s music, but maybe can’t find a piece they can play together. It’s sad because no one’s done anything wrong, but there’s still a lack.

  1. February 15, 2014 at 12:28 pm
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  5. February 15, 2014 at 5:06 pm
  6. February 15, 2014 at 8:24 pm
  7. February 15, 2014 at 9:54 pm
  8. February 15, 2014 at 10:29 pm
  9. February 16, 2014 at 7:03 am
  10. February 16, 2014 at 12:32 pm
  11. February 16, 2014 at 2:27 pm
  12. February 16, 2014 at 8:53 pm
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  21. February 22, 2014 at 1:40 pm
  22. March 17, 2014 at 6:59 pm
  23. May 16, 2014 at 1:27 pm
  24. September 11, 2014 at 7:30 am

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