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Using Words

Remember last week I decided to not tell the Techie “we need to talk”? Yeah. Fuck that.

I did see him that night, though only for about an hour and a half. I should have brought up the things we needed to talk about. I didn’t. There was a somewhat pressing situation in our social group, and I’m really good at letting others’ issues supersede my own. So I figured fine, I’ll head home and we’ll talk next time, whenever next time is.

The week was busy, as predicted. Friday night I invited him for a dinner party/drinking game planned by Spouse and FWST, which he couldn’t attend because of work. I asked if he had free time this weekend, the answer was “maybe.” Things didn’t pan out.

All this should be genuinely fine, except I feel the need for a conversation. I hadn’t said anything about needing to talk though, and obviously the man isn’t a mind reader. Part of what I want to talk about is planning our time together better, maybe such that I wouldn’t always have to initiate it.

So I sent a text a few hours ago: “Remind me when I do see you next that I’ve got a couple of questions for you, yeah?”

So we’ll see. I’m not planning on trying to initiate anything soon (aside the usual offers to wake him in the mornings) because the asking if he’ll be free and hearing nothing but “no” and “maybe” that turns into “no” has made me feel a bit like a clueless creeper failing to take a hint and go away.

I am quite fond of him. My anxiety and obsessive-compulsive need to plan aside, I enjoy his company. I like the conversation, his serious attentiveness, the fact that there is always a project or ten to jump into rather than just turning on the TV. It’s just harder to focus on that when he’s so rarely around.

On the plus side, I plan to be too damn busy to be anxious about it. Once there is a chance to talk, I’ll be sure it happens. No more of this quiet worrying nonsense.

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