Archive for July, 2013


July 29, 2013 Leave a comment

I am not a swinger.

Photo by Luis Argerich via Wikimedia Commons

I have not joined the local swinger’s society. I will not set foot in either of the swinger’s clubs in the city. When relationship status comes up, I usually say something like “I’m not a swinger and I’m not a slut, just non-monogamous”.

So I was kind of shocked when an acquaintance from kink circles sent a message via Fet:

My friend [redacted] wants to have a foursome with me and [boyfriend], and I need a second lady.

followed an hour later by:

So, could this happen maybe tonight?! lol I wanna make sure it happens and that I could FINALLY fuck you at the same time…too good to be true! Must act now, before this golden opportunity slips away somehow!

Here’s the thing. I don’t get upset about being propositioned for sex (unless it’s incredibly whiny or pressuring). I found this one creepy, but she had no way to know I would without asking. So I told her:

Sorry hon, the great Thanksgiving orgy* aside, I’m not actually that into group sex. I’m definitely not interested in having sex with a stranger [I’d never met this friend of hers], or with anyone on such short notice. I always need a serious conversation about risks and protection, and to know everyone is sober, among other things. Perhaps you’d do better asking someone you know through [swinger’s society]?

i wouldn’t have thought much more of it, except she did one worse this weekend. A long, drunken message telling me that she and a few men were having a good time at her place and she was just desperate for a woman to join in so couldn’t I please come by? There were several paragraphs suggesting she has a pretty strong obsession with me, which I hope isn’t the case because we hardly know each other and that’s creepy.

But what the fuck? After I told her, clearly, that I’m not interested in group sex, sex with drunken people, sex with strangers, or impulsive sex with new partners, she still thought it would be okay to beg me to do all of those things at the same time?

I just..gah. I haven’t responded, and don’t plan to since she’s moving out of the country in a couple of weeks.  am really hoping it doesn’t come up again.

*Yes, this was a real event. Fine. Maybe I am kind of a slut.



Moments Alone

July 22, 2013 Leave a comment

I’m usually perfectly fine when Spouse goes out and I stay home. He’s the nearly codependent one, the one who needs two days’ notice when I have a date so that he has time to make arrangements of his own.

Tonight Spouse went out. I had a date with the Techie but it fell through. I thought it was fine, a chance to enjoy some country music (no one else I know can stand it), read, waste time on the Internet.

About two hours ago I got a phone call. A family member committed suicide. We were not close. Even so, the air felt too still after I hung up the phone. There were other calls to make. Brief, quiet condolences to the people who would be hit hardest. Check that certain people who ought not to be alone have someone to stay with them. And then there’s nothing I can do. I’m several states away, not crying and feeling a bit guilty about it.

My relationship to suicide is volatile. There’s a chance I’ll think too much about other phone calls, other days, and this calm won’t hold. I suppose it would be smart to call Spouse, ask him if he can cut things short. I won’t. Partly because I’m a functional adult. I do not need to cause worry and stress and ruin his evening just in case I might want attention. Mainly, though, I find it very comforting that he’s out having fun. I like that there’s laughter and drinking and ridiculous video games that I’ll get to hear about when he gets home. It’s a reminder that not everyone is miserable and depressed.

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July 18, 2013 Leave a comment

I had written something long and rambling interpreting this poem, talking about self-image and projection and the like. It’s gone now. I’m just going to get to the point.


e e cummings’ poems are, in a strange way, good for me. They wrench my mind out of the overly analytical space it usually occupies. This one’s a particular favorite, especially the first line, especially the fact that the first line isn’t quite complete.


So, new ink. I’m quite pleased with it.

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