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30 Days of Kink: Day 1

So, there’s a thing floating around the Internet. A 30-question quiz that seems like a good idea for a blog that needs a brief pause to think about what it’s doing here. (Yes, my blog is in time-out. It’s been acting bratty and I feel like I shouldn’t give it too much leeway when it’s so new or it’ll just walk all over me. Forever.)

So! The thing! 30 days of kink, currently being undertaken on Lipstick and Ligature and trackable by stages back here. Now on to question one, with fanfare please.

Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

I really want to be snarky, look at the title of this blog, and say, “kinky? Goodness, I’m here to write laundry folding techniques.”*

For simplicity’s sake, I identify as a switch. For accuracy’s sake, I should probably say that I’m a sadomasochist, with a lot more experience in receiving pain than giving it. Masochism does a lot for me mentally–I have pretty severe anxiety and tend to overthink every aspect of everything I do until I’ve made myself miserable. Being spanked, beaten, shocked or choked seems to override that tendency most of the time, and it’s incredibly relaxing.  Sadism is a little more complicated because hurting someone else is conceptually terrifying. The  “what if?” machine that fuels so much of my anxiety starts going into overdrive: what if I screw up, if this is too much/not enough, what if my partner’s so quiet because s/he’s not enjoying this, what if wanting and enjoying this means I’m a sociopath? And so on. But I do enjoy it, the sensations and the reactions and the overwhelming awe that someone would trust me enough to hurt them.

I’m more than a little greedy, and I like things done a certain way. There’s certainly a strong appeal to the idea of being dominant, but it’s not something I’ve had the opportunity to more than play with.  I don’t do much on the D/s end of things these days.  My husband and I might introduce a power dynamic for the length of a scene, but we’re both rather too fond of getting our own way to have a consistent long term dynamic in either direction. We tried, early in our relationship, and I think I vetoed every domly thing he wanted and we had a pile of arguments before realizing that we were much happier without trying to include D/s in our S&M.

I don’t know if that counts as defining my kinky self or not, especially given that these things all change drastically depending on my partner, our relationship, and my mood, among other things. I feel like this was supposed to be an easy question but I fall outside of normal categories a bit too much to answer it simply.

*In all earnestness, there is only one right way to fold laundry. Unless you’re traveling, in which case there is a different only right way.

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